


All I Want

by millsreign (orphan_account)



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:22:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24546100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/millsreign
Summary: Prompt: After Robin dies, Regina is left to raise their two boys on her own while grieving her husband.
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Robin Hood
Kudos: 8





	All I Want

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! I wrote this little one-shot and this is my first time posting something I've written so I'm very nervous and excited about it at the same time so I hope you like it! I wanted to thank Brandy, who helped me out, and I'm so grateful for it.  
> Before you go ahead and read it, please bear in mind that English isn't my first language and there might be a few mistakes, so I'm sorry for that.

**_Storybrooke, Maine, 4-17-18._ **

  
  


When she left this town for the first time she told herself that she 

would only come back for special occasions. Christmas, Thanksgiving, maybe even a birthday or two. But today is not a special day, no. Today is one of the worst days of her life. 

Last time she was here she didn't think the reason she'd come back was for her husband's funeral, but life has a way of surprising you sometimes. 

You’d think the grieving would have started when Robin’s heart stopped beating, but you would be wrong. It all started the day they found out the cancer spread to his brain, and that he only had a few months before he passed away. Regina had thought until five days ago, that that was the worst day of her life. But oh boy, was she wrong. Seeing both her sons clinging to his father’s body in his last moments was something she thought she’d never have to live through, pain she never thought she’d need to endure, but she did. And _that_ is the reason April 12th will always be the worst day of her life. Because that was the day she said goodbye to the father of her sons, the love of her life, and her soulmate.

Adapting to life after his passing was the hardest. It should be obvious that after her husband died, life would never be the same. But when it was time to come back home, the home where they were raising their children together, that’s when she actually realized that she’d be alone. Well, alone with her two sons. Just her and their babies.

_..:.::.:.._

_Both boys hadn’t said a word ever since they left the hospital._

_It’s okay, she keeps telling herself. They just watched their father pass away as they cried and hugged him one last time. She understands, she does._

_But she also worries. It’s her job, she’s a mom._

_She’s most worried about Henry. He, unlike his youngest brother, is more introverted and doesn’t like to show his emotions often. It’s something they’ve been working on for a while, especially after she and Robin told the news to him and Roland._

_He’s always been a quiet, well behaved child. But when he learned the truth about what would happen to his father, he became a completely different person. Ate less, barely smiled, and he no longer wanted to share the smallest of details about his day to her. That’s when she decided to do something about it. Regina could tolerate many things, but her son pulling away from her because he was hurting, was most definitely not one of them._

_So Regina sent him to a therapist, hoping it would help him. Henry wasn’t thrilled at first, but as weeks passed, and he got to know Dr. Hopper more, he slowly but surely, was coming back to his old-self. It was a good sign, she was so happy to get her sweet baby boy back. But today, she’s scared. Scared all the progress he’s made will go to waste, and he’ll withdraw from her again._

_Tears threaten to come out as they near the house, so she pushes them back. She has to be strong. The thought of making her boys sad just because she is, is unbearable. So she pretends to be okay, for them. Because they need her more than ever, and she’ll be there for them, will provide them a shoulder to cry on, will wipe their tears away and hug and kiss their pain away. And hopefully, they’ll come out of this together as a family._

_Two days passed and Roland, only being four, still didn’t understand why they couldn’t visit daddy at the hospital anymore. It didn’t matter how many times she tried to explain to him that daddy was in a better place now, that he was no longer sick and could finally get some rest, her youngest would simply shake his head, cross his arms, pout and insist that he wants to see daddy, now. And as much as she wanted to cry, and tell him that his dad is gone, and never coming back, she can’t. So she’ll ignore his words and try to bring his attention to something else to avoid breaking his sweet little heart._

_.:.::.:.._

Eight years.

That’s how much time they had with their father, even less for Roland. It never fails to make her cry. Thinking of how they could’ve had it all, how they _should’ve_ had it all. But life’s unfair, she knows that now more than ever. She and Robin would often talk about how they would react to one of their boys bringing a girlfriend (or boyfriend) home, how they’d embarrass them at their graduations, how much they’d cry at their weddings. Now all of it was gone. Now it’d be just her, thinking of _him_ the whole time, thinking about things he would do or say. 

Now she cries. Because she asked her sister and parents if the boys could go with them to the cemetery because she needed some time alone. They (obviously) didn’t hesitate to tell her yes, that she could be on her way now and they’d meet her there. So she doesn’t hold back the tears now, she lets them run down her cheeks as she sobs and mentally curses her husband for dying.

Why him? Of course she doesn’t wish for anyone to die, but why, of all the people in the world, did her husband have to die? Why did he have to leave her to raise their sons on her own?

She feels selfish and awful for thinking like this, but she can’t help it. She hates feeling like this. Hates blaming him for dying when she _knows_ that if he could, he’d be here forever. That if it were up to him, he’d never leave them. She knows that, but it doesn’t drive those dark thoughts away.

As she’s approaching the funeral home, she spots Henry and Roland standing next to each other and holding hands. She can't help but smile, after their father's passing they grew closer, started to talk about him before going to bed and look at old photos of their family. It warmed her heart seeing them like that, an sudden urge to hug them runs through her. The past few days she kept saying that everything she did or didn't do, was for her boys, to keep them strong and to move forward together, but it's now she realizes it was never like that. It was them all this time, they are the ones that kept her on float. She's always known that she needs them more than they need her, but ever since Robin passed she became more aware of it. 

As soon as she sets foot there, she gets angry. This is awful. This shouldn't be happening, it has got to be a nightmare because it feels like it was yesterday that her husband was alive and well, running around the house with the boys. But no, his lifeless body is in a coffin three feet away from her and this isn't a nightmare, this is in fact happening and that thought is what breaks her down. What she wishes was just a nightmare is her family’s reality. Regina can't contain it now, she can't stop sobbing and can't stop the tears from falling. People approach her, and she feels like she's suffocating, like the walls are closing in on her so she pushes them away and moves to sit down on the nearest chair.

She covers her face as she's taking deep breaths trying to calm herself down, but it isn't working. She feels everyone's on eyes on her, she can hear their "I'm sorry's" even though they aren't saying it. She can’t control it, and just right before she's about to break down again, she feels two arms from each her sides pulling her arms down making her look at them. Her boys. 

She smiles at them, or at least tries to, but while looking into their puffy, sympathetic eyes she sees that they’ve been holding on for her, because they’ve been crying, anyone could see it, but ever since their father’s passing, she had not seen them cry once. Everyone grieves differently she told herself as she tried to not worry too much. The were trying to protect her. Her sweet little boys. She pulls them in for a hug and she hears Henry whisper to her so low she almost doesn’t hear it “I miss him” so she hugs them tighter and drops one kiss on the top of his head “Me too, baby. But he’s here with us. Always.” She feels his nod against her chest and Regina knew then that no matter what, as long they stuck together everything would be fine. They’d be fine.


End file.
